Surviving Domestic Abuse and Finding Your Voice, an Interview with Author & Domestic Abuse Activ

With Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms flooding timelines from women of all ages, races, cultural backgrounds, economic statuses, and more with "Me too", as requested by actress Alyssa Milano via Twitter on October 15, 2017, the world cannot simply ignore the abominable mistreatment of women specifically by their male counterparts. Although this outcry appears to focus primarily on women who have been sexually assaulted/harassed by men, one might argue that many, if not all instances, are a form of violence and abuse toward women by men and boys who refuse to see it as such. I am not one of them. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 35% of women worldwide (that's 1 in 3 women), have experienced sexual and/or physical violence by an intimate partner. A 2010 census reported approximately 157,000,000 women in the world. This means that roughly 54,950,000 women have endured some form of violence with an intimate partner, either physical or sexual. And let's be clear, sexual violence is physical violence. These numbers do not even include the violence aimed at women from classmates, family members, or coworkers.

Soraya Chemaly, a feminist writer for the Huffington Post, reports that 60% of Americans know of a survivor of domestic abuse and/or sexual assault. (Read her article by clicking HERE). Although I did not participate in that study, I am included in that percentage. One of my most dedicated clients, Briana LaFrazier, is a survivor of domestic abuse which she explores in her poetry collection "Ready to Be Broken", of which I am the executive editor and publisher. Below, you will read an interview conducted via email with Briana LaFrazier. She will discuss her book, her work to raise awareness for domestic abuse and sexual assault, as well as her dedication to helping fellow survivors heal. This interview has been edited for clarity and publication.

1. Briana, I am so proud of you. You are truly a model client. You hit the ground running and never stopped. Congratulations on completing your first poetry collection, "Ready to Be Broken", available for pre-order now online at www.only1voice.com/love. Tell us, what does this collection of poetry mean to you as a woman, poet, and voice for Domestic Abuse Survivors?

Thank you so much I couldn’t have done this without you! This collection of work means so much especially considering it’s my first one!

As a woman, too many times I’ve faced the reality that I live in a society which is male dominated and because of this, my opinion and experiences are often deemed irrelevant. Too often, a woman’s voice is simply lost in this generation’s obsession with male superiority. The word submission goes hand-in-hand with what is EXPECTED of a woman and I have watched men deem a woman unworthy of being a wife or sustaining a healthy relationship because of her “lack of submission”.

Having survived sexual molestation and rape at a young age, I was taught that my choices were not my own, that my voice was not enough, and that if I resisted less it wouldn’t hurt as much. As I grew older, I carried this same mindset with me for years. I began dating and then I got into my first serious relationship which became abusive.

It’s sad how many adults carry the same thoughts and voices that haunted us from childhood in our everyday lives. As an adult, I was going through rape and abuse again and again yet I still did not feel that I had a right to say “NO!”. I felt like my NO, my voice, my choice was not enough. I allowed things to happen to me, things I detested and I suffered in silence and in pain. I didn’t speak up for myself because I did not know how. Poetry, however, has always given me a voice when I felt I didn’t have one. So as a woman, a poet, and a survivor, this collection means that I have my voice now and that my voice will always be enough.

2. The poem, "I Cannot Keep You", always stood out to me as one of the most poignant poems in the collection. Are there any other poems that resonate a little louder than the rest for you, as the author?

A few of my favorite pieces from the collection are “Infirmity” and “from the abused to the abuser”. Both pieces are about forgiveness and letting go, acknowledging that hurt people will hurt people. Forgiveness is something we all struggle with so it was important for me to include both of these poems in this collection. I came to the realization that two of the people that had caused me so much pain were acting out things that had been done to them. I wasn’t excusing their actions but, more or less, acknowledging that they needed to heal, too. When I read both of these poems to myself I can still feel the emotion I felt when I first wrote them and I hope that every reader can feel the emotion as well.

3. As the executive editor for this collection, I find it easiest to describe this collection as a 'poetic memoir'. Do you agree with this description?

I can agree that "Ready to Be Broken" can be considered a poetic memoir. Getting into spoken word, I found it easier to share poems about my political beliefs, things wrong in the world, and ways I wanted to see the world change. So for this first book of poems I wanted to break away from that pattern. I wanted to share a more intimate part of me. I definitely feel that this collection has captured my experience and lessons learned from what I have experienced in life.

4. I know for a fact that you are full of emotions about completing your first publication. What words of wisdom do you have for fellow poets, and other writers, ready to amplify their voices?

I would say that anything is possible. I came to OnlyOneVoice with hopes of just improving my writing. Before I knew it, we were working on a book— submitting drafts back and forth and then, before I knew it yet again, the book was finished! My writing has improved and I have completed a book. This experience taught me that I am capable of accomplishing whatever I put my mind to and that I have so much more to give this universe so if you have a vision I can guarantee only YOU can bring that vision to life so go after what you want in full pursuit.

5. You have a platform devoted to informing and helping others who have survived abusive situations. Tell us a little more about your work with the organizations that provided this platform for you.

The first organization I became involved with was the S.O.U.L. Society (@soulsocietync on Instagram), a non-profit organization focusing on community outreach and youth mentoring. The organization hosts something called Soul Sessions and The Heart Gallery every month in Jacksonville, NC. I met one of the gentlemen that runs the organization, artist T. Walker (@twalkernc), and he invited me to an open mic. After that first open mic, the organization continued to ask me to come back and share my work at any event they hosted. They provided me with my first platform, one where I was able to speak comfortably and share my story with others.

Both of the gentlemen who run the organization, T. Walker and Brad Simmons, are quick to offer me new opportunities and advice. They have connected me with so many more people with whom I have been able to work with and share my story. The S.O.U.L. Society is a big part of my growth as an artist, my domestic violence work, and using my new voice.

Another notable organization I partnered with is StandUp SpeakOut of NC (<-click to follow on Facebook). This is also a non-profit organization and it is based out of Raleigh/Durham. StandUp SpeakOut of NC (SUSO NC) focuses on healing through the arts for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and teen dating violence. I first got involved with SUSO NC when I submitted a video audition of a poem about domestic violence. I ended up being selected and brought on board as a cast member of SUSO NC’s first production “Purple Freedom”. “Purple Freedom” is a poetic monologue that was put together to shine light on the cycles of domestic violence, sexual assault, and teen dating violence. The first show was so successful it ended up selling out and we are less than one month away from our second show on Nov 4th. You definitely want to come see it live! (Click HERE to view Facebook event).

By partnering with SUSO NC, I have also been able to do a Self-Empowerment Girls Summer Camp program that focused on healing through art as well. While devoting my time to the summer camp, I worked with young girls from ages 10-18 writing poetry about self-love and acceptance. I have plenty more work I plan to do with this organization. I am actually in the process of getting trained to become a facilitator and host monthly sister circles for survivors of abuse in Jacksonville, NC through this dynamic organization.

Both of these organizations have inspired me, helped me grow, and encouraged me to chase after what I want. I started something called Silence Lifted. This is currently a Facebook page and I am working to turn it into a non-profit organization soon. Silence Lifted is intended to continue helping other survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and rape by assisting them with finding their voices using various art forms.

6. Any final thoughts you'd like to express to your readers?

Thank you for reading and supporting my work and mission!

Briana, supporting your work and mission is an honor. Through your work, both on the ground and on the page, you are a vital voice against the outrageous statistics mentioned previously. Ideally, not even ONE woman should have to tweet "Me too". And with your voice, and the voices and work of others, the world should prepare to see one less human being who has to bravely type "Me too" for the world to see.